Review: Disoriental by Négar Djavadi

This month I chose to review the novel Disortiental by Négar Djaradi. What drew me to this book is the main setting is Paris, the main character is bisexual, and it’s a story about exile. Last spring I took a class on the topic of exile which focused mainly on those who exiled themselves from France or were exiled to France. The topic of exile fascinates me, and as I just recently left Paris I wanted to read something that talks about the feeling of living in two different places. This novel ended up being the perfect choice for that.

The main character Kimiâ Sadr is the narrator of the novel who creates a lucid sense of time; she exists in the past and the present. In the past we are taken back to the Iran of her childhood, but before we get to her story, she goes all the way back to her great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, and finally to her. Most stories she tells of the past are interrupted while she is telling them by another story that is used to better explain the current story. The story of her paternal great-grandparents sets up the history and traditions of the Sadr clan and the notorious blue eye gene, where one is born with eyes as blue as the Caspian Sea. Her great-grandfather had them and out of all his wives and children the only one who inherited them was her grandmother, Nour, who was the coveted child. Nour went on to marry a man who wanted to marry her specifically for her eyes. Nour, who is also called ‘Mother’ went on to have six boys who were are called ‘The Seven Uncles ’ (her husband had one child in an affair).

Kimiâ’s father, Darius, was the fourth uncle, educated in Paris, and wrote for newspapers in Iran. Darius met Sara, Kimiâ’s mother, at a political party and they bonded over their shared love of activism. Kimiâ is the second of their three daughters. Kimiâ was supposed to be a boy according to her maternal grandmother’s reading of the coffee grounds, and in some ways she was the boy that was supposed to be born. Mother died the same day Kimiâ was born which was taken as an omen, and while she did not inherit her blue eyes, she bore a strong resemblance to her. 

Kimiâ had a happy childhood where she was allowed to do activities that most girls were not, such as climbing trees, playing with boys, and not helping with house chores. A dark cloud began to loom over her happy childhood once the government of Iran started to crumble. Darius was the first intellectual to publicly denounced the Shah in a letter. He and Sara began to take part in revolutionary activities, and they gained a following. During this time they were harassed but as time went on the level of harassment became too dangerous for Darius to remain in Iran, so he fled to France. Sara and the girls joined him later after having to flee themselves by using every transport possible; cars, trains, horseback, planes, and ships. Growing up, her parents romanticized France and the girls grew up speaking French until they were no longer allowed to go to bilingual schools. The reality they faced once they got to France was nothing like they imagined, and she says the ‘G.I Syndrome’ took hold of them on the plane from Turkey to Paris.

In Paris the family dynamics completely changed.  Her parents were no longer the people they use to be. Sara constantly stayed inside grieving and Darius went for long walks around Paris. Her two sisters retreated into themselves and did well in school in order to get a great career. Kimiâ was the only one to be a rebel.  During this time she had to witness the transition of her parents, surroundings, and herself. She coped with this through music, traveling, seeing American films, doing drugs, and going to parties. She began to explore her sexuality and gender identity. As a child she was angry about growing up and developing female anatomy. As a teenager she takes on a more ‘rock’ appearance and joins the underground scene of Paris. Her mother cut her hair short as a child and then as a teenager she shaves off her hair on the sides to go along with her exploration. She talks about having relationships with women mostly but also with the occasional man. One woman that stands out the most is Anna who is a major figure in present Kimiâ’s life.

The present Kimiâ is the narrator throughout the book. Presently she is an adult who lives in Paris, is telling her story while waiting in a fertility clinic and has a relationship with a man named Pierre. As we know, they are trying to have a baby together, though we are not told the extent of the relationship until the end of the book.

The present Kimiâ is telling her story to the reader as a way for her to come to some sort of reckoning with her past as she is trying to become a mother. She is trying to find a way to assimilate into the French culture she has been exiled to, while also trying not to lose her Iranian identity. On page 54 there is this powerful quote that brought me to tears,

“And since it is a generally acknowledged idea that something is lost in translation, it should come as no surprise that was unlearn- at least partially- what we used to be, to make room for what we have become.”

In this quote we feel the sacrifices she has had to made to process her life as an exile. Throughout the novel,  Kimiâ’s memory is constantly jumbled, displaced, and may not always be reliable. In the quote above we see that she has been tasked to forget. The one thing that we know is constant, is that every story is building up to “THE EVENT.” Another thing to mention is that her mother Sara kept very detailed journals throughout her life that Kimiâ could look at but very rarely does, she as she prefers to remember things through her own memory and not that of others.

Disoriental is a wonderful and emotional read. You feel the displacement and this constant grappling the narrator feels to piece together her past, which feels imaginary as she can’t return to it. You can also see how she is coming to terms with the life she is leading now. You can see that she feels as if she wouldn’t be leading the same life if she had stayed in Iran. The title is fitting as you are following the process of Kimiâ becoming ‘Disoriental’ after coming to France, and how this has emotionally affected her. Kimiâ is a very headstrong and resilient character who as a child refused to play with the girls because she felt more like a boy, and as a teenager she went to thrift stores even if her mother hated it because they suited her more. Also, I like the fact the character is not heterosexual as she self-describes herself mostly into women but favors the occasional man and that she explores her gender identity. This adds to the narrative of the novel as it not only talks about her exile but also her gender identity and sexuality. Overall, I would recommend this book to someone who is going through any life transition as I feel Kimiâ’s character will resonate with them deeply and her present-self reflections perfectly encapsulate the emotions surrounding transitions.

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